The elephant in the room

So as if this disease isn't already hard enough to deal with let's just talk about the weight gain that has come along with it. 

When all of this happened to me I was at the lowest weight I had been at in years. A crisp 170 which to me was amazing! I attributed my weight loss to weight watchers but after being diagnosed I think it had a lot to do with what was going on inside my body. I say this because at that point I could eat anything I wanted to and not gain any weight back, and that was the case for several months. 

I was diagnosed in June and started treatment then as well. Once the IVIG didn't really show a lot of progress I was put on steroids as well as gabapentin which is a drug to help nerve pain and lastly an immunosuppressant to control my immune system. All 3 known to cause weight gain. 

At first the weight gain was slight but by September I felt incredibly bloated with moon face and swollen cankles. 

I'm sure my terrible eating habits and new found sweet tooth didn't help my case much but here it is January and I am looking at a not so cool and refreshing 32 pound weight gain. 

Everyone keeps saying a lot of it is water weight which I'm sure it is since I have been pumping my body full of steroids for the last 7 months, but either way I want it gone! 

I spoke to the doctors about the swelling of my legs and they prescribed me a water pill to help with that and said that I would have to monitor my weight to be sure I didn't lose too quickly. 

That in itself is laughable, it's been a few weeks on water pill and logging everything I eat and the scale has barely budged. 

Everyone in the group keeps screaming gluten free and raw diet! But to me that seems incredibly boring. I mean don't get me wrong if there was proof somewhere that those types of diet changes would make me feel better then I would gladly do it, but there's so many things in life right now that I feel like I'm missing out on I don't want to feel deprived of my food as well. 

I'm trying to be patient as I know I didn't gain over night (although the initial 10 pounds it really did feel like it!). 

I've been doing my PT exercises and hopefully building some muscles up, but I really miss just being able to go for a walk. 

Walking was my number one source of exercise and it really helped keep my body healthy. I keep feeling like in my mind today will be the day that things change and my walking gets back to normal, but I'm not quite there yet. 

I wish I was for so many reasons, and it bums me out some days that I'm not.

Anyhow back to my original thought weight loss! 

So since the doctor has told me to avoid sugar I have been some what good. I say some what since I have still been having low fat frozen yogurt. 

I know that's bad but it's not the worst thing for me right? 

I haven't had alcohol since New Year's Eve, which considering how much beer I was drinking weekly from about Oct-Dec this in itself is an accomplishment. 

My hardest struggle is and always will be cheese! I can live without most other dairy products. Take them all away, but bring me the cheese! 

Now I know there is low fat cheese and I have been trying to buy these alternatives instead but some times you just want the real thing. 

Trader Joes Red Leicester cheese for example does not come in low fat but it's seriously so delicious that some days I just have to have it. I mean I still am honest and log it that's what counts right? Now if you have never had this cheese you may want to try it for yourself it has chili pepper and red peppers in it and makes the most amazing quesadilla! (On a low fat, whole wheat, 100 calorie la tortilla factory tortilla of course)

So everyone that has been suggesting a raw vegan diet to me I cannot get past the idea of never having a quesadilla or cheesy goodness again. Now before you start up with "well they make vegan cheese" let's just get this out of the way THAT IS NOT CHEESE! You may think it tastes like cheese, but I assure you that's only because you haven't eaten real cheese in so long! 

I was vegetarian for 3 years of my life and I swore that fake chicken tasted just like real chicken, until I ate real chicken again and was sadly mistaken! Don't get me wrong there are still things I love from those days like spicy black bean burgers or morning star sausage patties! I every now and again with enjoy a boca patty (with cheese) instead of a burger but all and all I love meat and don't see myself giving it up again. 

That being said I have been trying to get myself to eat more seafood. I am not a big fish person but I'm told it's really good for you. I enjoy shrimp and scallops and of course a nice piece of deep fried cod (but I think the frying takes away from the health aspect), but I cannot stand salmon and I just don't know enough about other fish. I don't know how to cook it first off. I read a lot of articles about steaming fish in foil. I actually think I could do it in the rice cooker, and the recipes sound good but fish fillets that contain skin/scales gross me out. Most people are grossed out by raw chicken. Not me I would rather cut up a hundred raw chicken breasts then remove one piece of skin from a fish fillet. 

I guess this is really the year that I need to broaden my horizons and start branching out and trying new things. Like maybe a nice tuna fillet or halibut. 

I just sort of wish there was a personal chef who could cook it up for me! The only time I've had fish I liked was at morimotos in NYC! That and sushi, raw fish is delicious haha 

I guess this post was kinda pointless but I have to admit this blog keeps me sane. 

Feeling pretty good today besides being tired.

Did all my weight exercises and my balance exercises. Was able to stand for almost a full 5 minutes! That's exciting for me and I'm hoping that perhaps tomorrow I can surpass the 5 minute mark. 

I also started a new supplement along with all my other vitamins. Started taking hemp oil. It tastes disgusting but Andrews dad told me that he had spoken with a few people who have MS which has similar symptoms to me and they have experienced some relief from taking this. I am not sure how long before it's supposed to take effect, and part of me secretly wishes it is the kind with the THC in it. May make sleeping easier these days. 

I am looking forward to my PT appointment on the 31st and getting back on the treadmill. It seems to get my legs and feet moving in a more natural stride and I definitely need that right about now. 

I am hoping that if I keep up eating at home and preparing my meals myself that the weight will start coming off even if it's slowly. 

It was a lot easier to deal with all of this stuff 30 pounds ago. Especially the stairs! 

Anyhow that's all for this post. 

I hope you are all well <3